I have been wondering why some have chosen to send friend requests that we accept or why some are accepting requests that facebook took the liberty of sending out when we set up our joint page. I have been using our joint page as a way to lay it all out on the table with my illness. While it has helped in some ways, it has blown up in my face at times. I no longer (for the time being) feel the need to post status updates due to the responses I have received after posting them.
Here is the thing: My health situation is declining but I am fighting as hard as possible. I have needed my friends who know me well and have been with me for years to, if nothing else, just be an open ear and a shoulder to cry on. Here's the wild part. The ones that are contacting me by private message or by texting are the ones who I feel genuinely care, and they are NOT the handful of friends that I thought would never leave me stranded. They are the newer friends that either I've met not too long ago, or ones that I went to school with and found again on fb that have been making it more personal by sending private messages or by texting.
I'm learning the hard way that I am going to have to cut the strings I have with a good bit of people and just have these newer "friends" be the ones to help me when others are kicking me while I am down. I honestly do not understand some peoples thinking. I've had comments under posts that burn me up and then some that help contain the blaze.
I want to apologize to the world for having this disease and prognosis. It must be awful hard to take a few seconds out of the day to text or inbox me due to the fact that most have there hands full with their own families and with work. I do appreciate a handful of people who check up on me and who go out of the way to communicate with me. Funny part? They have not witnessed some of the horrid things I'm dealing with, but they are there for me and ultimately, that is what I need. If you want to talk with me you can use the message system on fb or, text me if you have my number.
It honestly does not matter who the friend of the day is going to be, as long as they are real. People who have lost loved ones in the past are actually hurting me with the words they say AND with the words they do not say. Last I will say today is this: I am sorry for the loses you all have experienced. I've lost people too. I feel the pain just like you do, but one day I won't know what pain is. I hope by then that some of my "friends" will have figured out that life is very short and we all need to let the people in our lives know how much we feel toward them and what they mean to us. Until then, at least with me...these blogs are it. No other posts from me will be on fb unless it is through this blog. I just can not take some of the things being said on my wall. I may be sick, but my emotions are the same as yours. My skin is the same as yours. I have nerve endings and all. I just want to apologize to all for being in the place I'm in with my health. Sorry that the loved ones you lost are gone and there is an emptiness in your hearts. Just so you know, I've lost friends and family too, but I pray that I never let that get in the way of letting you know I'm always here- for now- and that I love you all, even while you are stabbing me with your sharp words. You are more than welcome to contact me or what not, to post on our page and yada yada yada. Don't be offended if your comment is erased. I have to rid our page of things that are said that hurt me. Thank you for being friends, whomever is reading this and for understanding that sometimes enough is enough. Later.